i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
