If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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