I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I party with great urgency now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
