and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
