Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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