"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do vagina's smell?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Less talking, more tequila
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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