I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize