theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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