I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
