Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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