shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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