I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
