Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
