my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize