Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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