census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
