so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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