I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
