Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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