i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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