Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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