If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
