Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
