so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
