but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
