when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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