I like to think it a success when the cops are called
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
