There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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