i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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