he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
