She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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