just tell him i said nine months
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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