She said her name was "party"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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