He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
