I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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