Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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