Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
