Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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