Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
