in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
