That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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