So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
