I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
