I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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