I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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