Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
