I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
