sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
