are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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