you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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