he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
