U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
