You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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