if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
