You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
